She Is

She was a blessing I didn’t know I wanted or needed. As she grew in my belly in St. Lucia, she helped to bring a sense of calm and reality, like I could handle anything that came my way, and I did, even though some days I literally wanted to crumble.

All the stars aligned and her being burst through like a super nova through all the chaos and yet somehow calm that surrounded her creation. And just like the brightest stars, she is a true beam of light through some of the darkest of nights. I don’t know why things happened just so, but I do know there is some reason beyond my comprehension. When she was born she came out like a literal canon, it was fireworks and again, calm in absolute chaos, strength in madness, and beauty in pain. She was perfectly pink and beautiful right from the start - a night that all my vulnerability was on full display (literally and figuratively).

She’s an old soul, I can’t describe it. So many things about her, about her birth, about her being, feel familiar but also mysterious. The life force is truly amazing and we can’t possibly pretend to understand it in its entirety, I don’t think. Upon me holding her after she made her presence earth-side, she promptly grabbed my hand, something she still does today regularly as if to say, it’s okay mom, I’m here. And this bed, the bed she was born into, intentionally and wonderfully but also very unexpectedly, where she still sleeps, is our shared connection. This whole experience is something that’s challenged me to my core and made me literally believe in magic miracles from the creator. I never take a second for granted and while the days can be really hard, this beautiful being and all her light was meant to be right here for so many reasons.